Wednesday, October 28, 2009

When Our Own Kids are Bad

I remember when my middle son was 2 or 3 years old, I'd put him in the grocery cart while I was shopping. I could keep my eye on him, and it would make grocery shopping much faster with a toddler. One day in the check out line, I noticed that the lady in front of me was looking over my shoulder and smiling. I smiled back thinking she was probably admiring my ridiculously cute little boy.

No. She wasn't.

She was smiling because Patrick had his finger so far up his nose, I thought he'd pluck out his eyeball on the end of his finger. I was horrified.

It was the same feeling of horror when I took my 22 lb white cat Ozzy to the vets today for a nail trim. "Gee Beth, you're a cat expert...why can't you trim your own cat's nails?" you ask.
Ozzy is a polydactyl. He has 7 toes on every foot and they grow in very freaky.'s usually not a reason for a vet visit for a nail trim.

Dr. S took one look at Ozzy and knew what to do. He's been there with Ozzy before and went into the back. We had to put a MUZZLE on him and wrap him in a towel. Let the games begin!

It took both of us to hold Ozzy down. The sounds coming from that cat were prehistoric. He was panting (Dr. S too!), he was whirling, and twirling and spinning...We would have to stop periodically, because Houdini Ozzy could actually get out of his muzzle and come after us with his mouth wide open! I had white cat hair stuck in my lipstick and there were beads of sweat on our foreheads.

As we held him down, Dr. S jumped back suddenly. "Oh Lordie....did he bite?" No... Ozzy pee'd all over the vet. He pee'd so much it was on the floor...on the wall...down Dr. S' pants.

It's awful when our kids misbehave - human OR fur kids. I suppose Ozzy was doing what animals do when they're frightened and ticked off. Ozzy is a quirky guy anyway. There are $200.00 worth of cat beds in this house.

Ozzy's preference?

Yes, part of the decor in my family room is a Lowenbrau box. I don't even drink. Lord help the person who tries to take that box away from him.


Anonymous said...

When cats don't want something done to them, they seem to lose all bone structure and muscular limitations. Trying to give Certain Cats pills is a lesson in contortionism. I'm lucky, that most of mine learn to tolerate nail-clipping. My method is to sit in an armchair, and plop the cat butt-first into the corner, mushed between me and the arm, like an old man in a hot tub. Then, while they're trying to figure out what the hell is up, I snip-snip-snip as quickly as possible. They figure out quickly that if they more or less behave, it's a brief procedure.

Some cats are dumber than others, though.

Anonymous said...

Love it! You could always wrap him in a leg warmer or put a sock over his head. Nah....wouldn't work.

And as for bad behaviour? Emery, a a Rally-O trial, stopped halfway through her trial, and had a liquid crap in the middle of the ring. Instant disqualification, AND they had to call in a special clean up crew!

RHz said...

Hahahaha. Thanks, Beth. I needed a laugh. Yes, horrifying is one word for it.
I will never forget when I took all seven of mine (yes, at once... I have no clue what I was thinking) in for routine exams and Drontal. My baby girl, Itsy, was never one to tolerate ANYONE but me. I don't know why, but that's how she was. The tech decided to pill all the cats in the office for me, because I guess she took pity on my soul for having to do all seven all in one night. Itsy was having none of it.
As soon as the tech opened her mouth, the growling and hissing began. I mean absolutely psychotic growling, not just a warning. The vet came in and tried to help the tech, while I stood on the sidelines and asked if they wanted me to help (no). Itsy proceeded to bite through the tech's finger and leap over her head, onto my back. O.M.G. Can someone please trim her nails???
Itsy wouldn't let anyone touch her or pull her off my back. I had to kick everyone out of the room and let her climb off my shoulder on her own. I was bloody, and mortified. Needless to say, I had to pill her on my own that night. It only took us two tries. ;-)

Shannon said...

At home Katie is the sweetest, gentlest soul. Every vet visit brings out her evil side. The vet recommended her rabies vaccine by saying something along the lines of "I imagine she is most likely to ever bite someone?". And your right, it is embarrassing . . . and scary. I don't want my cat to be responsible for biting the vet, a tech or me if I'm helping with the restraining. So I go in full of warnings and ultimately apologies for her bad behavior.

Anonymous said...

Thank you, Beth. That was hilarious. It reminds me of me taking T- to the vet a couple of weeks ago and I foolishly wore a black shirt. After leaving the examination room, my entire black shirt was covered in light coloured hair - from neck to waist! Quite a sight to see. :)

Dori said...

I love the pics of your cat in the box. I too have a cat that LOVES boxes and we have several placed throughout the house for her. I try to get the plainest looking ones at the grocery store. Sometimes she will try to wedge her fat little butt into a shoe box. The sides end up splitting on her but she's oblivious to all that and just purrs contently.

CatCarrier said...

Taking my previous foster cat to have her claws trimmed, I was mortified in the waiting room in front of the other clients when it sounded like a shoot-out in the OK corral.We watched through the translucent window as every shelf item, medicine bottles, everything crashed to the floor and she wailed like she was being tortured. That was to get her in a net to get anesthetized & she'd already bitten me bad enough to go to the hospital. The other clients didn't know it was a foster, they thought she was my own, they don't know her background from the shelter you rescue from, but they all stared at me like it was my doing! lol

Ozzy reminds me of infants: when you give them a beautifully wrapped special toy, and when it's open all they're interested in is the cardboard box it came in.:)
I'm still really hoping Emily Grace & the new kitties find homes soon.

Steve Bartlett said...

At least he picked a decent beer. I can't trim my cats' nails at all, so I can sympathize. Fortunately I have a large piece of driftwood from an old aquarium, and the cats LOVE to scratch on that. They still use the furniture as well, just not quite as much. At least when I'm home to yell at them. Well, even then I have to actually stand up before they stop and go hide behind one of the big dogs.

House of the Discarded said...

I'm enjoying the heck out of these stories!!! :)


Kate said...

I wish I had some horror story about clipping my babies nails... but I don't. Sure, they scream a little (A lot actually) and try to wriggle out of my grasp (I hold them with their backs to my chest and I clamp their hips between my knees. This leaves my hand free to do the clipping) But overall they take it like a champ. I heart my Frank and Grey 'Stache!

Anonymous said...

Maybe if you got kitty smashed on Lowenbrau, he would pass out cold? Then it'd be easy to trim the nails! LOL:)

Anonymous said...


thats what my cat had to say about this. (he was walking over the keyboard to look at flying leaves out the window)