Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Grief, Joy and Decision Making

I woke up in the middle of the night to my tabby girl "Newman" having a seizure.  She's an epileptic and despite being medicated 2 x per day, she still has breakthrough seizures.  Not only does she shake and jerk, but she also loses her bladder.  Yesssss Sireee....pee spraying all over my bed at 4:30 this morning.  Right after her seizure stopped, our 11 year old black cat Pella barfed all over the bed.  Thirty minutes later, Sherman spilled my coffee and I slid down on my ass on our basement stairs in my stocking feet.

So started my day - before 5:30 am.

...Should've gone back to bed.  I really should've.  I knew I would have days in rescue that would make me scratch my head in wonder,  but today was completely ridiculous.  I dealt with a bunch of stuff that wasn't the rescue's fault, nor was it anybody's fault.  It just *was*.  Sometimes being diplomatic when you feel like screaming is one of the most difficult parts of being a sane human being. 

I worked on tax receipts today and was reminded of the incredible generosity of the people who support our rescue.  It was spectacular to read the notes attached to the donation.  I recalled the urgent pleas for donations on special medical cases on cats that are now Forever Home today.  Yes, wallowing in GOOD things does make a difference in my attitude. 

Although I have lots of care and support, there are times I feel very isolated with decisions I've had to make.  Last night I had to help a loving foster parent make a decision to not take tiny kittens that were not suitable for her busy lifestyle and they were euthanized this morning.   When I was with a larger rescue, it was reassuring to be able to share the grief, joy and decision making.  Now I just sit here and feel pitifully alone with this stuff. 

So yeah....today is a pity party.  Waaa. Waaa for me.  :)  I'm OK, really.  This has never been a 100% "Look-how-great-rescue-is-why-don't-you-join-me" kind of blog.  It's my life - the good, the bad, and the ugly...and I like it that way. 

9 comments:

Random Felines said...

I think that is partly why I post out here....I need a place to just say what I am thinking. Not everything is rosy when you do this work - and not everyone understands that. But...know that some of us do and you are NOT alone....

House of the Discarded said...

Random: Thank you so much for understanding :) I always appreciate your comments.

Debbie said...

With out you at the helm, we would not be involved in the adventure.
Thank you for hanging in there for the good , bad and everything in between!
Vent away!!

Anonymous said...

Beth, how much better you make me feel...misery does like company LOL. Our 10 year old doggie has had a bladder problem for the past month, still medicating and undetermined and hoping it isn't a stone. This morning I woke up to one of the younger kitties in our room up chucking ( it's shedding season ...why is it I prefer long haired cats again? )..so got up and cleaned that up... opened the door to let the 5 older kitties out of their room and someone had had a #2 accident in front of the door. Guess what happened when I opened the door. It was messy..first thing in the morning ...cleaned up again .... went downstairs slipped in a lake on the ceramic dining room floor....the dog has trouble getting through the night right now without going out for a pee. Lovely way to start my day...glad I'm not the only one. LOL.... it actually improved from there though !
I often wonder how you deal with the decisions you make on which ones live and which ones will have to die, Beth. I have trouble dealing with it just checking the list..and grieving over the ones who are missing. I know you can only do your best, nothing more... nothing less.....and you have to be content with the ones you DO rescue..and I am so grateful to you for that .....thank you for those sweet lives you do save..Gail

Steve Bartlett said...

We know we're weird when we treat a day without cat barf as an accomplishment. Today is already shot.

Caroline said...

Oh Beth, you have my sympathy, sounds like your day was meant to be bad, hopefully that means the rest of the week will be good for you!

Msg for Gail: Have you tried leaving pee pads down for your dog, I used to live in a 6th floor condo and trained my dog to use them as I didn't want to go walking in the morning, not a morning person! Dogs adapt quickly to using them, put them infront of the door they normally go out.

~*Connie*~ said...

Until the overpopulation of companion animals is under control we need those "not so rosy" posts to remind us of how far we still need to go.

I am in awe of people who are able to make those decisions over and over again. I am grateful people like you are out there because while I know full well it needs to be done, I could never do it. I and I fully believe that those people who do need to be supported the best we can.

Caroline said...

FYI 2 declaws on the Urgent list as well as a handsome neutered orange guy named Prince William.

Anonymous said...

Have been reading your blog for about a month now. Love your sense of humour. About the black kitties you hit the nail on the head. They need an extra marketing push. There is a brilliant book called "Animals Make Us Human" written by Temple Grandin an animal behaviorist. She has a whole section on wonderful personalities of black kitties and the fact they have a stronger immune system. Try a quote from an animal behavior expert and a researcher for a bit of hype.

Good luck! Harpurr's Mom.