But instead, I'm incredibly sad and angry.
I tried so hard to get my sweet white declawed boy out of the shelter. But I didn't try hard enough:
I should've taken him when I saw him.
I should've taken him when I saw that he was getting sick.
I should've advocated for him even more.
Today? I had a foster parent contact me that wanted to foster him - even if he was sick.
Today? I had an adopter that wanted to meet him tomorrow.
I'm so angry today I can hardly write.
I'm sorry Noel. I let you down. The "should haves" and "could haves" are really going to haunt me tonight.
It pisses me off that I have to shoulder this burden when his family dumped him there. I'm sure they had a great holiday while their cat sat in cold cage alone and sick. I'm grateful that the shelter worker saw that he was suffering and sent him to the vet where he could be humanely euthanized.
I'm sorry that I didn't get a chance to save his life. I didn't do enough for him. I'll probably take a Benadryl so that I can sleep tonight.
14 comments:
Beth, tragedies like this happen to every rescuer. The people who SHOULD feel awful are his former owners, who are home, blindly unaware that they are directly responsible for the death of a living being who probably loved them a lot. I hope karma comes back at them. The best thing you can do is to let this make you more proactive in the future, and more sensitive to the cats who really need out of that shelter. Then maybe his death won't be in vain.
P.S. I honestly think that those who drop off their animals at a shelter like this should sign a form explicitly stating that they are aware that the pet has a 75% or 80% or 90% (whichever applies) of being killed. Just so they can't pretend otherwise.
Sparkle: Your P.S. scratches me where I itch...I totally agree. Right now, Owner Surrenders sign a form that says, "Adoption or sleep". These cats aren't adopted and they aren't sleeping.
-B
Beth, so sorry I share your sadness. I almost asked you about him yesterday thinking about your comment about him getting up to greet you even in the sick room. I have some favourites I watch almost daily and he was one of them. Virtual Hugs to you.
Harpurr's Mom
Beth, don't beat yourself up over this. Every death is very sad, especially those where a connection has been made with the cat, but we all know where it leads if we take on every cat that tugs at our heart strings. The people who should be feeling bad are the ones who once cared enough about him to get him neutered and declawed (not that declawing is caring, but they invested a lot of money into making him the pet they wanted him to be) and then abandoned him to an uncertain future because ... well, who knows. Whatever their reasons, nothing excuses it in my book. I hope they had a thoroughly miserable Christmas. Actually, I hope they rot in hell, but I suppose that isn't very Christian. How sad it is that you and the people who read your blog have probably shed more tears over him than his callous owners did.
How about if that not-so-wonderful shelter worker had taken Noel to the vet to be TREATED for his illness - instead of being killed!? Or is that too radical a concept for HAC?
Beth.....sorry I couldn't foster Noel...I feel terrible but I just had too much on my plate.
DV
Beth, I am confused,
I heard Noel was spared.
I feel so sad for you Beth.
Please don't cry.
Call me sadistic, but I think anyone turning over their pet to a shelter should be shown what will probably happen to their pet. Show them the chamber, or even the bodies, so there will be no way they can say, "Oh.. I didn't know.".
Beth...please don't feel badly. The rescue with which I volunteer had offered to take Noel and had acknowledgment of this from the shelter. In fact, we were arranging his transport (as we are some distance outside Toronto) when we found out he had been euthanized from your blog. We are very upset as nobody from the shelter contacted us even though we would have done everything we could to pull him through his illness. So very sad.
This is another example of bad communication from the shelter's side, as Marisa claims they had a solid offer so how could they euth him?? I agree with another poster that the people handing over their pets should have to stay and watch them be euthanised right away, no 3 day wait with a 20% chance of being rescued, hold your pets paw while they are put to sleep!! Take it like an adult and take responsibility.
It's not your fault Beth but if you have a basement would it be possible to put a cat den down there so you could have an enclosed space that you could put a death row kitty? That way the cat is safe until you find a foster home and he is relatively contained from your other furry kids? Just an idea.
The euthanasia centre aka shelter needs to update their forms to please circle:
Would you like to bet on a 20% chance of your cat being rescued
or an 80% chance of sitting in solitary confinement for 3 days with a death penalty finale, let's stop the Disney language and tell it like it is.
Caroline: One of the reasons that I don't have a spot for death row kitties at my house (until a foster home can be found) is that I don't like living on the edge. Keeping cats in cages in my house is a huge no-no for me. I need to keep my life priorities straight and if I get bogged down with too many cats the lifeline of the rescue will suffer.
I hope that makes sense.
B
Beth, please excuse me for appearing to be such an idiot, but looking at what I am reading here...something doesn't make sense. From what I can see there are 3 possibilities for a rescue for a kitty. Noel didn't make it..and that makes me extremely sad...he should have ! But he didn't ! However he was NOT the only kitty at the shelter. I'm sorry if I am misunderstanding something here, but could not 3 other kitties be saved in Noel's place ? I SUSPECT POOR NOEL WOULD HAVE WANTED THAT ! ...Gail
Totally understandable Beth. I agree with Gail, even when the cat you want to get out doesn't make it, are the fosterers asked if they are willing to take a second choice?
I am so sorry to hear about Noel...when I first read about him on your blog I thought of the white cat we found at the local humane society, cowering in the back of his cage. He was scruffy and frost bitten..but we knew that because he was declawed someone must have loved him at some point in his life. He had been abandoned and was living "on the street" in the bitter cold of winter just before he wound up at the humane society. He is now a member of our family and I often wonder how people can give up a loving animal that they once called a pet. It pulls at my heartstrings when I read about the cats you encounter..and I do celebrate when you are successful in finding a home for them. Although it hurts to think about it, I realize that not all of the needy cats will find a home ...but you have saved so many and that is what is important to focus on.
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