Friday, June 05, 2009

A Quiet Place to Poop

We've finally sold our house and bought another one. The torture of keeping my house spotless and pretending like I have no pets is almost over. We're moving at the end of July and I'm really looking forward to getting back to normal - whatever-the-hell-that is.

I was walking my dog "Maggie" tonight and had a moment of complete anxiety. Where will I put all the litterboxes? Seriously, our current house has perfect hiding spots for litterboxes - the kind that all cats (except for Pee-Pee Ozzy) seem to really like.

The new house...where? where? WHERE will I put the litterboxes? Mentally, I walked through the house and each time come up blank. I'm meeting the realtor on Tuesday morning for a home inspection. I bet I don't even pay attention to the inspector - I'll be looking for key litterbox locations. I can see it now:

Inspector: Mrs. Turner, this house is in violation of many fire codes and we anticipate it will self destruct in T-Minus 12 months.

Me: Oooo! Here's a spot near the laundry room for a litterbox! We can have a Cat Den built in the back yard around *this* tree.....

David is out of town (where else would a husband be during key life decisions?), so I'm on my own. Is it possible that I bought a house where there is NO decent place to put litterboxes?? Holy I going to have to build a frickin' room so the cats have a quiet place to poop?

It even occurred to me that there isn't a decent counter to put all the cat food bowls! I can't put them on the floor, because the dog eats the cat food and gets diarrhea. Wilbur can't eat on the same counter as Butters, because Butters has food dominance issues...and...

Where the hell is my husband when I need him? Who does he think he is to go off and earn a living so we can buy a new house that has no place for the cats to poop???


Steve said...

Obviously someone who shall remain nameless has a few spoiled cats ... :)

Mine have four litterboxes in the basement. All in a row and no, I didn't build stalls :)

Food consists of one large stainless steel bowl in the basement, which is (almost) always full. Learn to share :)

Water is two large bowls in the kitchen, which get shared with the dogs as well (the dogs don't go down to the basement; I've told them stories about the monster under the stairs).

Michelle said...

This was super funny. :)

Alison said...

Congratulations on the new house Beth! Once you've seen the house again, I know you'll find the perfect places for the cats bins and bowls.

Anonymous said...

Hahahahahaha!! It's true!


Anonymous said...

Hi Beth,

Love the column! You're definitely a certifiable animal nut! One of my TCR foster kittens potty trained herself this week and I was so proud I had to tell everyone! I felt like Kate of John and Kate plus 8, one trained, 4 more to go! As with humans it was the girl (named Bear) that trained first!

Thanks for the laugh,

Caroline and Piper plus six!

House of the Discarded said...

Caroline: Of course it was the girl that was potty trained first!!! *smirk*

Lisa said...

As long as you don't have to resort to litterbox in your bedroom. Even for a couple of days its a nightmare to be woken up to the sound of digging and the smellllllllllliness.
A former neighbour had the best solution...a kiddie pool filled with scoopable litter in the mudroom for mutliple cats. Ooooh how I long for that set-up!