Wednesday, December 18, 2013

I Wanted To...

I think there were cobwebs on the login page of this blog.  It's been almost two months since I've stopped writing and disappeared.  Those who read this blog and know me personally, know that I've been OK and trying to sort some things out.

There's no doubt that I lost my mojo for writing here.  After 5 years of writing, I felt like so many of my posts sounded angry, jaded and genuinely pissed off.  I was certain that people were reading my blog thinking, "What a little whiner!" or  "Same shit, different day. "  I had spent some time rereading my older posts when I was still so excited about rescuing and would leave the shelter with 20+ cats in my car!  It was joyful and I used to look forward to writing about my daily events after I put dinner in the oven and waited for David to come home.  I used to write about funny things and laugh at my own inadequacies.

So how do I begin writing again?  What do I  say that could possibility hold my interest and yours too?  I've always written for myself.

I wanted to... write the day our beloved cat "Pella" unexpectedly died.  I was so angry that day.  She came to me after being thrown out of a car window in a box with her litter of kittens.  I had so much to say about her. She was the best cat we ever had.  Everybody loved that chubby "Bowling ball"  black cat.

I wanted to... write when we started fostering an ancient pug named "Doug".  He has brought so much joy into our home.  I wanted to tell you that he snores and farts.

I wanted to... let you all know how much I  appreciated the amazing outpouring of love and care after I wrote about my son leaving an abusive relationship.  Read about it here.   I wanted you to know that he's living in our spare room and very depressed.  We're trying to get him some help, but he's stubborn.  I wanted you to know that HIS CATS haven't left his side.  They love him.

I wanted to....tell you that  we took on another Petsmart store beginning in January!  It looks like we'll be able to rescue more cats.

I wanted to....tell you that I played with two severely handicapped 8 week old kittens, then had to authorize their euthanasia.  I had to separate the less handicapped baby from his severely handicapped brothers before they were lovingly put to sleep.  The remaining sibling cried for his brothers.  It was a day that I  needed to talk and share.

There has been so much to share and so much I've wanted to write about.  But I've felt frozen and incapable of saying anything that was meaningful to anybody.  How long do people write in blogs?  I've had a lot of emails from people asking me to write again.

I've missed you too.




16 comments:

kathy mccreary said...

(((HUGS)))

Connie said...

Thank you for the blog - I have missed it. Your deepest humanity came through and for all of us who foster, who are mothers, we understand and appreciate what you have been going through.
Wishing you and your family a Christmas of blessings and miracles.

Caroline said...

Hi Beth, So glad you are back! Although I know we would all love to read about your adventures everyday that is too taxing for you to type so I'm happy for what you do give. So sad to read about those kittens, was it Cerebellar Hypoplasia? I just learned that the panleuk vaccine is what prevents it. At least that is what Google told me. We would all love to take your son out for lunch and make him smile would starting his own blog help him? Maybe joining an online support group for men in his situation? I'm glad his cats are keeping him company. So did you fail fostering 101 with Doug? and didn't you have 2 pugs at one point? Happy holidays to you and your family, 2 footed and four!

ANGEL ABBY said...

I know I have missed you. This is your blog and whatever happens or how it happens doesn't need one person's approval except yours. I am amazed at your resolve to help all the cats you do help. That means a lot and each one of your stories is meaningful, even the ones that are sad or difficult to read. It's reality. If you want to continue to share and I hope you do, don't let anything stop you.

Random Felines said...

sometimes life isn't merry and bright - but that is part of what we do as rescuers. and I think that people need to see it and appreciate that someone out there is doing it. so here is what you do - you look at the faces you have saved...even those that may not have survived but were loved and cared for no matter how long their time here...and you realize you are making a difference. and that those of us out here are there with you - good or bad

Linda said...

You were greatly missed! I love reading your blog.

Judi said...

When I've been through difficult times in my life, I have found it very hard to write. I did write, but far, far less than I wanted to, so I know what you mean. When I did write, I felt so much better--but teh effort to do it was huge. Maybe if you set very attainable writing goals--like once a month or once a week.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for coming back! We all missed you so much. :) Whether you have good news to share or bad news, we don't mind. We just want to share our lives in animal love and rescue with you.

Cerebellar Hypoplasia has to get REALLY severe before it is worth euthanizing for, so I doubt it was that. Even the ones that can't walk, that just flop from side to side, can have a great life with parents who work to make their environment safe for them.

If you are an animal parent struggling with what to do with a CH kitty, here is a great group that can help. A lot of these people have severe CH kitties, and they have come up with a lot of good stuff to help out with it!

https://www.facebook.com/groups/CHcat/?fref=ts

I had a CH kitty for two years, and she was the best pet I've ever had, EVER.

Alison said...

Glad you are back.I have missed reading your blog every day. Merry Christmas to you and your family!

pam said...

I missed you and I'm glad your back. But you do have to take care of yourself,family and rescue first. Life is messy thank you for sharing the good and bad of loving both family and fosters. pam

Anonymous said...

Happy to hear that you are well and will enjoy reading whatever you have to share good or bad. You are living real life and your blog reflects that. Merry Christmas and a happy and prosperous New Year.

Mama Bear said...

Good to see you back on the blog!

Julie said...

Beth, you made me cry … You're the best. An inspiring and amazing person!

Strayer said...

Merry Christmas, love you and the work you do. You have a kind heart, but it's hard to have a kind heart.

Anonymous said...

Beth glad you are back.

Get some fish oil and SAMe for your son - they will lift the depression.

http://www.lef.org/Vitamins-Supplements/Item01055/SAMe-S-adenosyl-methionine.html

for mood

http://www.lef.org/magazine/mag2007/apr2007_report_same_01.htm

Be well

Tails from the Foster Kittens said...

Fostering/animal rescue is not always happiness and light, and I feel odd reading blogs by people who foster who avoid mentioning the negative because I think it gives a false impression and can lead to problems if people try to do it and run into problem after problem.

I appreciate people who share what they go through, not only because it makes it all the more... human, real? something like that.. tangible maybe? but because I often learn, and that to me is more precious.

it would be nice if it could be all sunshine and rainbows, but it never will be. But my Christmas wish is that you find a bit more sunshine in your account this upcoming year when all is said and done..