Friday, October 18, 2013

A Different Blog Post

The urgent calls for abandoned kittens and pregnant Mom cats have now been replaced with calls about young cats (probably born in spring) that are outside for the upcoming winter.  It's a never ending cycle that keeps me constantly on edge.  Each day I look at the weather and am  grateful for the momentary lapse in frigid weather.

I don't really have anything controversial to write about today.  I've started to write about the several local "rescues" who have turned out to be hoarders and one in particular who continues to dodge the authorities.  Sometimes I'm in the mood to argue a point and other times...well...I feel too beaten up to do it.

My 25 year old son fled his apartment where he lived with his girlfriend and 2 cats the other night.   He showed up at our door at 7 am with 2 cats and all of his belongings.  We knew that the girl was abusive and my son was "battered".  But he wouldn't leave her and despite numerous attempts and begging from us he'd go back.  He came home bruised and a bone broken in his foot where she stomped on it.   Apparently, he woke up in the middle of the night with a knife to his throat.  Police were called and she was taken away - ANOTHER 3 day psych watch where she leaves only to return the same pathetic mentally ill human being.

So why am I writing about this?  My sons cats were our cats.   They used to live with us.  They have observed the abuse and I can say that they seem different.  Sure, they're worried about a new environment.  But you can tell that they seem happier in a happier home with peace.  They have stuck to my son like glue - sitting on his bed and running to him when he comes through the door after work.  Since my son was always going back to the crazy girl, I was terrified that she would do something to the cats too.  They were innocent and frightened of the yelling, screaming and throwing things.

Now there are 2 more cats in our house and the games for dominance begins.  I'm already stressed, so the hissing, growling and usual cat-crappiness isn't helping.   We're trying to help our son and once again, begging him to consider counseling and praying he doesn't return to her.  He's  handsome, smart and adores'd think that the world of women would be his, wouldn't you?  A guy like that should never have to settle for someone like that.  But it appears to be textbook.  Men.  Women.  It doesn't seem to matter.

Writing about this is really helping me today.  If I can't save my son from going back, I'm going to save his cats and make sure they remain with me.  Each day that he doesn't go back is a victory - for him, for us and his two cats.  Maybe this time he can do it.


Elizabeth Raventail said...

Abusive situations are always so difficult, especially when the female in the relationship is the abuser as stereotypically women are the victims, and it's hard enough for society to recognize the stereotypical abuse.
He is very lucky to have you to be there for him, and to care about his cats. The cycle of abuse is difficult, especially since the abuser always seems so sincere after the worst episodes.

Time away from the situation is the only thing that really helps. Time to realign one's self and redefine "normal" separate and away from the pretended apologies. In my case it took almost three away from him for me to actually see the world for what it really was. Three weeks of receiving his phone calls from the inpatient rehab, talking with his assigned psychologist, listening as he got "better" with the help and hearing as his solution to all the issues he had was to lay more responsibility on me for what I needed to do in order for him to act like a normal human being, because the whole problem in his mind was that even with all the work and cleaning and not sleeping I was doing, I wasn't making his life easy enough.

And that is when I knew. Only when I had the space, and could recognize the crazy for what it really was, without any opinions from others. (Because I always found myself defending him against others - it was a well-trained gut reaction, because I was a smart young woman, I wouldn't stay if things were as bad as everyone else said, clearly they were exaggerating!)

I pray that your son finds the space he needs to realign his own sanity and define the crazy for what it really is. He is already very lucky to have you in his corner.


House of the Discarded said...

Elizabeth: Thank you so much for that....(((HUGS))) back at you :)

Random Felines said...

purrs to your son and the cats - we are glad you are there for support....

Robyn said...

Sorry to hear you are going through this, all the best to you and your family.

Anonymous said...

Talk, talk and talk to your son. It's important that he talk and very important that you and your husband are supportive for him. I was in a very abusive relationship and I found strength to leave "the crazy" when I decided to spill everything to the person I trusted the most (my mom). Once I released all and let the ugly out, the shame and guilt I felt that I wasn't doing enough, being good enough, helping him enough to overcome is demons left me. There was such an overwhelming sense of relief and release that I was able to leave him and never look back. I became strong and your son needs to find his self worth and become strong. He is a beautiful young man, who can find someone who will love and appreciate him. This toxic relationship will be a faded memory in time.

Tails from the Foster Kittens said...

purrs and prayers for your son and for the woman who obviously needs help but it is failing to show up for her..

Kerry said...

All good wishes to you and your family, two- and four-legged.

Khyra And Sometimes Her Mom said...

As someone who lived through an abusive relationship, my heart and head goes out to you and your son -

I stayed for my pets at the time -

But finally things happened to allow me an out -

Fate was kind THIS time around - I've got my family back - and I've got Khyra -

It is hard -
It is hard to reveal -
It is hard to realize BUT

Hugz Of Support From PA,
Khyra's Mom

Caroline said...

Beth, I hope that things work out for your son and his cats. Your kids are so lovely, they deserve the best.

Anonymous said...

Just a reminder that "mentally ill" doesn't automatically make someone abusive. glad to know your son is safe though. Hopefully that girl get's the help that she needs too.