I Wanted To...

I think there were cobwebs on the login page of this blog.  It's been almost two months since I've stopped writing and disappeared.  Those who read this blog and know me personally, know that I've been OK and trying to sort some things out.

There's no doubt that I lost my mojo for writing here.  After 5 years of writing, I felt like so many of my posts sounded angry, jaded and genuinely pissed off.  I was certain that people were reading my blog thinking, "What a little whiner!" or  "Same shit, different day. "  I had spent some time rereading my older posts when I was still so excited about rescuing and would leave the shelter with 20+ cats in my car!  It was joyful and I used to look forward to writing about my daily events after I put dinner in the oven and waited for David to come home.  I used to write about funny things and laugh at my own inadequacies.

So how do I begin writing again?  What do I  say that could possibility hold my interest and yours too?  I've always written for myself.

I wanted to... write the day our beloved cat "Pella" unexpectedly died.  I was so angry that day.  She came to me after being thrown out of a car window in a box with her litter of kittens.  I had so much to say about her. She was the best cat we ever had.  Everybody loved that chubby "Bowling ball"  black cat.

I wanted to... write when we started fostering an ancient pug named "Doug".  He has brought so much joy into our home.  I wanted to tell you that he snores and farts.

I wanted to... let you all know how much I  appreciated the amazing outpouring of love and care after I wrote about my son leaving an abusive relationship.  Read about it here.   I wanted you to know that he's living in our spare room and very depressed.  We're trying to get him some help, but he's stubborn.  I wanted you to know that HIS CATS haven't left his side.  They love him.

I wanted to....tell you that  we took on another Petsmart store beginning in January!  It looks like we'll be able to rescue more cats.

I wanted to....tell you that I played with two severely handicapped 8 week old kittens, then had to authorize their euthanasia.  I had to separate the less handicapped baby from his severely handicapped brothers before they were lovingly put to sleep.  The remaining sibling cried for his brothers.  It was a day that I  needed to talk and share.

There has been so much to share and so much I've wanted to write about.  But I've felt frozen and incapable of saying anything that was meaningful to anybody.  How long do people write in blogs?  I've had a lot of emails from people asking me to write again.

I've missed you too.